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Ruby Chen’s son, Itai, was killed in the October 7 Hamas attack.
But unlike dozens of other families of soldiers killed that day, Chen has no grave to visit because his son’s remains are being held captive in Gaza.
The lack of a final resting place is acutely felt now that Israel marks Memorial Day, when cemeteries are filled with relatives grieving over the graves of their loved ones.
“Where should we go?” Chen said. “There is no burial place to go to.”
Memorial Day is always a somber occasion in Israel, a country that has suffered from repeated wars and conflicts throughout its 76-year history.
But Chen’s anguish underscores how this year has taken on a deep and raw sadness, coupled with a seeping anger over the failures of October 7 and the war it sparked.
The families of the dead, along with broad sections of the public, are demanding accountability from political and military leaders for the mistakes that led to the deaths of hundreds in the deadliest attack in the country’s history.
“Too many people were killed that day because of a colossal misjudgment,” said Chen, who for months thought his son was still alive after being abducted in Gaza before receiving confirmation earlier this year that he was dead.
“The people who made the wrong judgment must pay, from the prime minister down.”
Israel commemorates the Day of Remembrance for fallen soldiers and victims of attacks starting at sundown on Sunday, with an official ceremony and smaller events the next day at military cemeteries across the country.
The celebration is then abruptly cut short by the Independence Day fanfare that begins Monday night.
Grouping the two days together is deliberately intended to highlight the connection between the costly wars Israel has fought and the creation and survival of the state, a contrast that will be difficult to reconcile this year at a time when Israel is actively engaged in war and Israelis feel more insecure than ever.
With the trauma of October 7 mounting, expect each day to feel drastically different from previous years.
More than 600 Israeli soldiers have been killed since Hamas launched its surprise attack on October 7, when thousands of fighters rampaged through southern Israeli military bases and sleepy communities on a Jewish holiday.
An estimated 1,200 people were killed that day, about a quarter of them soldiers, and another 250 were taken prisoner in Gaza, according to Israeli officials.
The attack ignited a war now in its eighth month that has killed more than 34,700 Palestinians, most of them women and children, according to local health officials.
The militants stormed past Israel’s vaunted defenses, breaching a border fence, blinding surveillance cameras and battling soldiers on the country’s first line of defense, many of whom were outnumbered. Itai Chen, an Israeli-American, was one of them.
The fighters reached approximately 20 different locations in southern Israel, stretching into towns beyond the belt of farming communities that cuts through Gaza.
It took hours for the most powerful army in the region to send reinforcements to the area and days to clear out all the militants.
The attack shook Israel to its foundations.
This shattered the widespread trust the country’s Jewish population had long placed in the military, which has compulsory registration for most 18-year-old Jews.
In addition to the crisis of confidence in the military, the attack shattered Israelis’ faith in their government and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, whose public support plummeted.
Thousands of people have been taking part in weekly protests demanding early elections for a new leadership to take power.
Military and defense chiefs said they took the blame for what happened during the attack, and the country’s military intelligence chief resigned as a result.
But Netanyahu has not accepted responsibility, saying he would answer tough questions after the war and even blamed his security chiefs last year in a late-night post on X that he later deleted.
His refusal to acknowledge his role angered many.
But many Israelis have also lost patience with the protracted war, in which soldiers continue to die and thousands are injured.
The war’s dual goal of defeating Hamas’s governance and military capacity and freeing the hostages has not been achieved, casting a shadow over events typically seen as a salute to the army’s prowess, said Idit Shafran Gittleman, an expert on the military and Israel society at the Institute. for National Security Research, a Tel Aviv think tank.
Police move into the camp as anti-war protests continue across the US
Tens of thousands of Israelis also remain displaced from the country’s south and volatile north.
“Since October 7, Israelis have been asking themselves how they will get through Memorial Day and Independence Day. And I don’t think anyone has an answer,” she said, adding that the only thing that could improve public sentiment was an election and a new government.
The anger that has boiled over is likely to boil over at Memorial Day ceremonies held at military cemeteries across the country.
The ceremonies are generally perceived as sacred, solemn and apolitical, although government ministers and legislators attend.
Some families have asked ministers to refrain from joining, fearing a repeat of last year, when attendees at multiple ceremonies shouted down MPs who backed a controversial government plan to overhaul the judiciary.
“This is an event that failed leadership and a failing security apparatus brought us to,” Eyal Eshel, whose daughter, Roni, was killed in a base stormed by militants on October 7 and who led the charge to prevent the ministers from attending. told Israel’s Channel 12.
“Respect the families’ request: don’t come.” Regardless, ministers are still scheduled to walk through cemeteries across the country.
But other changes are being made to reflect the somber mood, especially for Independence Day.
The official ceremony marking the start of the festivities will be scaled back and there will be no live audience. The traditional Air Force flyover was cancelled.
Israelis wonder what is the right way to celebrate – and whether there is anything to celebrate at all.
“People stopped believing that the country was capable of protecting us,” said Tom Segev, an Israeli historian.
“The basic faith in the state’s ability to provide a good future has been undermined here.”
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